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Fab 5: Jason’s Auto Club 400 Picks

March 22, 2014 Leave a comment

Image

Photo Credit: stevelyon

A year ago this weekend I had the good fortune of attending the Auto Club 400 with the Editor-In-Chief of this very website. I had lived in Cali’ close to three years but had yet to take the 90 minute drive from San Diego to Fontana. It turned out to be the best race I’ve ever seen in person, and really opened my eyes to a pretty vibrant west coast racing culture.

It’s no secret that the sport has been dominated of late by El Cajon, CA native Jimmie Johnson. And still in my mind, California’s racing fans had yet to yield the respect I handed over easily to southerners, as well as those I came in to contact with in my native New England. But my experience in Fontana was perfect. The parking was ample and FREE. The tickets were under $40. The beer was easily snuck in. (Although it took two tries because who knew you had to sneak in beers to a NASCAR race?) And the cars were FAST. Seriously, I’ve been to many races at Loudon, but they don’t touch the speeds found in Fontana for obvious reasons.

I even have video evidence I took myself:

Combine all this was some genuinely passionate fans and what looked to me a near-sellout and Fontana is as legit a NASCAR experience as I’ve ever been able to enjoy.

Alas, I spend this weekend back in New England and, while I’m excited to be living again closer to home, when the green flag drops tomorrow I’ll be watching from the couch envious of the sun-soaked Cali’ fans in the stands.

On to this week’s Fab 5, i.e. my top 5 picks for this weekend’s Auto Club 400…

5.) Kasey Kahne

Kasey Kahne’s average finish for his career at Auto Club Speedway is just 14th, but that does include one win (2005) and 10 top 10’s. (Stats courtesy of Racing-Reference.info, as are the stats below.) Kahne’s inconsistency has marred his time with Hendrick to this point, but he’s been competitive each of the last two weeks and he loves the intermediate tracks. Look for the 5 to compete near the front most of the day, and crossing the checkered’s with his fifth career top-5 finish.

4.) Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

Junior came back down to Earth last week, but it had to happen eventually. Unfortunately for the 88 team, Fontana is a track where the driver has struggled at historically. An average finish of 19th in 21 starts, Earnhardt has no wins and five DNFs on his resume when racing in SoCal. So why the prediction that Junior will net just his sixth top-5 in 22 tries this weekend?

Well, because despite last week’s struggles at Bristol, Junior’s confidence is still high and his team still has that laser focus which kept him in the top-2 the first three weeks of the season. Look for a nice bounce back to top-5 form for the 88 this weekend.

3.) Joey Logano

Joseph was involved in multiple scrums in last year’s Auto Club 400, include the memorable last turn incidence that ended his day and, ultimately, Denny Hamlin’s title chances after a hard lick into the interior wall, courtesy of the 22. Logano thrives on the intermediate tracks, and while he’s yet to reach Victory Lane in 2014, the Pennzoil car – and Penske overall – has been very competitive early on. Don’t be shocked if Logano breaks through and locks up his spot in the Chase with a great run this weekend.

2.) Matt Kenseth

How fun was it to see Kenseth threading through the pack with a pretty-severely damaged car at Bristol last week? Most racing fans (including yours truly) consider Kenseth a Super-speedway racer, but the truth is he can win anywhere, be it short track, road course or the intermediates like Fontana.

This track – and the pace it generally produces – is one in which Kenseth thrives in. Long green flag runs will play to the 20’s advantage, and I’d be shocked if Matty Ice isn’t running near the front when this one hits the final stretch. The dude averages a top-10 finish at Fontana and has won here three times. I’m not going out on a limb with this one.

1.) Jimmie Johnson

It’s only a matter of time before JJ and Co. snap out of it, and what better place to do so than the 6-time Champion’s home track? Johnson’s average finish in his career at Fontant is 5.7 and he’s won in SoCal five times. It would make sense for 6-time to make it an even 6 W’s at Fontana, wouldn’t it?

Honorable Mentions: Kyle Bush (defending champion), Carl Edwards (great on intermediates), Paul Menard (sneaky-good on these tracks and he’s off to a hot start), Ricky Steinhouse, Jr. (showed he’s on the cusp of reaching Victory Lane last weekend in Bristol) and Denny Hamlin (what better way to avenge last year’s fiasco in the final turn?).

The Week 6 NFL Picks

October 15, 2011 Leave a comment
It’s been a long week, kiddos. Good – but long. I began a second career endeavor as a caterer for a little saving money, and the results (I’m happy to report) have been quite positive. I get to go to a Bar Mitzvah tonight – my first in 12 years – which I think deserves a half-hearted Mazel Tov. Despite working in one of the richest areas in the entire country, I’ve found the guests to be pretty delightful; granted, they’re eating and drinking for free so, how anxious and needy could you get in that environment? And yes, I have already dropped a loaded tray of desserts – however, the only casualties were three strawberry tarts, a couple of cheap plates and a small portion of my pride. Not bad!

I’ll keep you guys posted on the catering biz, but in the meantime let’s chat about what the F is going on in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE this weekend …

Falcons over Panthers

Really wanted to pull the trigger on the Panthers in the upset, for the obvious reasons – the Panthers are a feisty 1-4, the Falcons a floundering 2-3 and look destined to miss the playoffs. But despite all the passing yards and explosive Cam Newton plays, the Panthers still aren’t quite sure how to win the close ones, which is precisely what I think will happen here. In unrelated news, I slept four hours last night … mmmm … coffee.

Bengals over Colts

It’s too bad the Broncos aren’t shopping for a QB, because a Brandon Lloyd for Carson Palmer trade would be a potential game-changer for the Bengals right now. But yeah, that wouldn’t make sense in, you know, the real world.

Steelers over Jaguars

This week’s “Game I’m Least Likely to Glance At” at the bar.

Bills over Giants

The Giants blew my 2.5-year suicide run last week against the Seahawks, so this is kind of a revenge pick. Looking back, it was a totally foolish pick, given that everybody and their brother (as my Mom likes to say) had the Giants as well. Always the kiss of death. Silver-lining? I saw the first three quarters of that game in a pro-Giants bar, and it’s always fun to watch obnoxious New York fans get blindsided by a we-didn’t-see-this-coming-at-all type of loss.

(And no, now is it not a good time for a Red Sox-related comeback, New York fans. But thanks for asking.)

Lions over 49ers

The game of the week?! I’m fired up – and Megatron is now my second favorite NFL player to watch, behind Rodgers and ahead of Vick.

Packers over Rams

Amazingly, this Packers team is exceptionally better than last year’s. Yes, they give up a lot of yards on defense – but does it really matter when, time and again, they cause turnovers and become especially inspired inside the Red Zone? So far, the answer is ‘No.’

Eagles over Redskins

I still don’t think I’ve picked an Eagles game correctly. Let’s ride the train, I say.

Raiders over Browns

Unfortunately, we’ll never discover what was under Al Davis’ band-aid. This is probably unarguably a good thing.

Ravens over Texans

Matt Schaub’s last play against the Raiders last week was Favre-esque. I think it’s free-fall time (again) for Houston.

Saints over Bucs

My worst pick of the year so far? Bucs over Niners, week 5. (Final score, 48-3 Niners win.)

Patriots over Cowboys

I’m rooting for a huge fantasy day for Romo, one cold beer per quarter, and minimal distractions during this one. I don’t ask for much …

Bears over Vikings

Only if – and it’s a big ‘if’ – the Bear’s O-line can keep Cutler off the turf. Yikes.

Jets over Dolphins

I’m not sure who came up with this year’s MNF schedule, but I imagine they’re not working for the Mothership (ESPN) anymore. Jesus.

Last week: 9-4 Season: 43-20

Categories: Uncategorized

99% Problems (And a Bitch ‘Aint One?)

October 13, 2011 Leave a comment

This lady is 84 and, by all accounts, mad as hell.

These days, protesting has found a peculiar place in American society. With the advent of Twitter, Facebook and (most unfortunately) 24-hour news networks, a small protest could break out in just about any part of the globe and the general public would have access to the news within 24 hours. (Antarctica and North Korea are the obvious exceptions. If you want to start a stir, don’t begin in the South Pole.) I say ‘access’ because it’s hard to tell what most people are clued into these days; with so many options and such fragmented audiences, every one of us could say we watched or read the “news” last night and not have a goddamn clue what the other was talking about.

For instance, I listen to NPR every weekday, and until August I had never heard of Casey Anthony. (Thank you, NPR.) Until Friday, I was unaware that there was a woman named Amanda Knox, nor did I feel any animosity towards the country of Italy. Again, I felt informed – but it turned out I probably would have failed a current events test, and would have succeeded only marginally in NPR’s own “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.”

This is a problem, and it’s the problem at the heart of the Occupy protests taking place all over the country. One thing that’s interesting about the protests (among a million others) is that the stats used to back up the Occupy protests aren’t new. Hell, I distinctly remember my political science teacher explaining that around (at that time) 40% of American wealth was owned by just 1% of the public. I was shocked, appalled and complacent all at once. I sat in my desk tossing around the figure in my head. Like the woman above, I felt mad as hell. Unlike her, I wasn’t sure what exactly to do about. As it turned out, I did nothing.

So I guess the question is, why are the Occupy protests happening now? Well, in my (amateur, but original – to me anyways) opinion, the reason is fragmentation. There are a hundred ways to slice this thing but, unfortunately, its been simplified in to two sides: Left and Right. Right and Left.

Why? Because we’re all watching, reading and listening to wildly different news stories, opinions and criticisms – all of which claim to be reporting facts. So, how can we tell whose right? Well, it’s the people we’re listening to, obviously, because we gravitate towards the opinions we want to hear.

This leaves us with some pretty sharp and hostile opinions about one another. Over the last few days, I’ve read some pretty condescending things about the Occupy protesters; that they don’t have jobs, that they’re rich kids complaining, that they’re costing taxpayers money, etc. Yes – these are probably all true to some (small) degree – just like you can find Tea Party members scooting around on Medicaid-sponsored wheelchairs at rallies, and so-called patriots that are pro-war but anti-paying for it.

Yup, we’re all hypocrites and, of course, we’re all entitled to our own opinion; fuck, isn’t that what makes America great? (Well, that and hamburgers. And football.) But what we’ve done – with the help of news organizations, social media and especially politicians – is effectively whittle every issue down to Left and Right, Black and White. (The latter of which is figurative, in this case.)

Yeah – you can knock the 99% movement, but at least bring something to the conversation. Don’t generalize every protester down to some rich white kid bitching about having to work; maybe that kid with the sign can’t afford his (fucking absurd) college loan payment because most jobs available these days for anyone without a business degree pay around $10 an hour. And while it’s true some of us live outside of our means, what about those families protesting after they were laid off from work, lost their job and then their house? Are they spoiled? Were they living outside their means? Not at the time – they’re victims of circumstance, just like every other person on this planet.

Amidst all the animosity, I think people on the outside (and, let’s admit it, some on the inside) are missing the point of the entire Occupy movement. The fact is – the American dream is dead a whole lot different from what it was a generation ago. We’ve been scared off from buying homes (values are still basically plummeting), we no longer have jobs job security, and the middle class is dwindling. This isn’t because people aren’t trying – it’s because the system is now designed in a way that keeps it from being open to everyone. This should make everyone mad;  finally it is. So, let’s address the problem by being loud as fuck – this is a pretty tried and true strategy, and there’s no reason to think it won’t make at least some – albeit small – difference.

Anyways, this brings me back to that moment in college where I sat in my desk, wondering how I would make a difference in shortening the American wealth disparity before ultimately getting distracted by the next hot girl that walked by topic. Admittedly, I haven’t even been to the Occupy San Diego protests, but I fully support the movement, and hopefully I’ll find time over the next couple of days (in between two jobs) to make a cameo.

Then again, maybe I’m on the other side – the complacent side of the 99% that chooses to press on in the giant, universal cog rather than stand up (and shout) for real change, hoping for that illusive imaginary  ‘big break’ that will catapult me into the upper class.

It’s like I said earlier – we’re all hypocrites.

Now, on to the stuff that really matters …

This is the part of my blog where I ask myself questions (because no one else will):

Dude – where were your football picks last week? And furthermore, where the hell have you been?

Last week saw the end of my 2.5-year suicide pick streak, broken (like millions others) by the Seattle upset over the fackin’ New York Giants. On the bright side, I went 9-4 and I’m off to one of the best starts I’ve had picking games in a while.

As to where I’ve been, well, if there’s one thing I learned in my creative writing classes, it’s that if you write a blog about a bunch of Indie movies no one has seen before, let that fucker sit and stew for a good 11 days before returning. Your readers will be on the EDGE OF THEIR SEATS when you decide – at your own accord – to blog again. Yup – that’s the one thing I learned from college.

But I do promise the 10 of you who read this to have the NFL picks up on Saturday.

Whoa, there’s way fewer typos in this post than previous ones … you didn’t get your computer fixed, did you?

I sure did. Much thanks go out to Tim (the roommate) for knowing how to build computers. Sorry I drank all your “Thank You” beers.

What happened to the Whitney Challenge?

Despite our efforts, Whitney was inexplicably extended for a full season by NBC! There’s no goddamn way I’m watching that show until May. I tapped out. So did Tim. It’s over. Deal with it. (Slams head against the wall repeatedly.)

Until Saturday…

Categories: Uncategorized

Let’s Go to the (Indie) Movies

October 1, 2011 Leave a comment

"The Pill" is one of the main featured films playing at the San Diego Film Festival this weekend.

Over the last three days, and with the help of some great friends (Thanks Ilhem!), I’ve officially crossed something off something on my bucket list that I’ve always wanted to do: shoot a buffalo attend a movie festival.

OK, so the San Diego Film Festival isn’t Tribeca or Sundance, but it’s certainly leaps and bounds ahead of the short film festival I attended in Burlington a couple years back. The film festival experience is about what I expected; a pretty even amount of old white folks, hipsters and Indie-types, with a few filmmakers, actors and reporters sprinkled in to make the entire thing exceptionally more self-important. (Or maybe I just felt “more important” for being there. Actually, this is a more likely scenario.)

So far, as we hit Day 4 of the Festival, I’ve seen three movies, all of which I’d characterize as “not bad”, and 2 out of 3 were very unique and were clearly done on a minimal budget. Here are a few things I’ve observed and experienced at the San Diego Film Festival, in no particular order …

1. The Acting Quality

I’ve seen my share of Indie films over the years (What up, Netflix! Or whatever you’re calling yourself these days.), and for the most part acting can be divided into three tiers – usually within the same movie.

First, there’s the lead, who is usually head-and-shoulders above everyone else in the film, especially if there are no “famous people” or identifiable names (January Jones, excluded) in the film. In the second film I saw last night, “Rid of Me” – an avant-garde film that doubled as a black comedy and an art piece (and featured the dude from Everclear in a recurring cameo) – lead Katie O’Grady was in basically every scene. If she was mediocre, this film would be terrible. Instead, she played a believable and completely-relatable housewife-turned punk, before finding a happy medium between the two in the end. Anything less from O’Grady and this artsy dark film would’ve been borderline unwatchable.

The second tier of Indie actors are usually new or first-time actors testing out the waters, with mixed results. Going back to “Rid of Me”, this movie featured a pretty extensive supporting cast whose acting chops bordered on cartoonish, though I have a feeling that this was the intention of the director. That being said, I also think that a few of these actors may have found the gig via Craigslist, and made the most (“Most” is being graded on a curve, here.) with the limited roles they were given.

The last tier of Indie film actors consist of borderline famous people and friends of the directors and the producers. (Notable actors I’ve seen so far: Uncle Rico from “Napoleon Dynamite”, Veta from “My Girl” and the aforementioned front man from Everclear. (I also recognized another 10 or so actors who I’ve absolutely seen before but couldn’t for the life of me place, aka That Guy!) They’re usually good for a line or two when they’re not getting edited out of the movie completely. I hope to somehow make my way into this tier someday. (Wanted: Film School Friends.)

2. The Style

Style is especially prevalent to the laymen’s eye (such as my own) when it comes to Indie films. If you’re making a film that follows a familiar story arc (“Unicorn City” was a rom-com about gamers, and “The Pill” was a quirky take on romance – yeah, we’re not breaking new ground here, but there’s a reason the same types of movies are popular.), but your budget is small, you don’t want to make a film that’s essentially a shittier version of a Hollywood-style movie. In order to make the film feel “different,” you have to make it look different.

“Rid of Me” was the most stylistic of the three, using deep organic music (and, it should be noted, a shitload of Regina Spektor songs to identify “happy times”) and not-so-subtle zoom-ins to set the ambient tones. In the other two films, there was a lack of camera movement, but plenty of close-ups made for a more intimate vibe. And it should be noted that all three films appeared to be filmed digitally. However, I didn’t see any of the “risky” and forward-thinking qualities of some of my favorite recent Indie films, “500 Days of Summer” and “The Wackness.” (Though the former also used plenty of Regina Spektor, albeit it in to promote very different emotions. I should have asked about this in the Q & A but, I really had to piss.)

3.) The Atmosphere

I wouldn’t describe the lobby atmosphere of the San Diego Film Festival as “electric” by any means, but it definitely was interesting. There was a small red carpet with sponsor GQ being promoted around basically every corner. I witnessed a few interviews taking place, but I couldn’t tell you who they were or what they were doing there. There was also a GQ Lounge which I was promptly told to leave. (Psh not sure what that was about – I had a button-up on and everything.) But probably the coolest part was seeing some of the actors and directors just sort of kicking it inside and outside the theater, promoting the fruits of their labor. And each and every actor I (briefly) spoke with seemed genuinely appreciative of the good words. It kind of reminded me of being a kid and asking a minor league player for their autograph. There’s a sense that, even if this is as good as it gets for these people, it’s still really impressive and, at the very least, they thoroughly entertained people for one evening, anyways. And, um,  how many people can say they starred in a movie?

As far as the experience in the theater, it definitely felt like a more intimate setting than your typical movie theater atmosphere. (With the exception of the time I saw “Final Destination 3” in a predominantly African-American theater in Downtown St. Louis. That crowd fucking rocked.)  Passes for the festival are kind of pricey, so the crowd definitely loved the cinema and really did want to be there. (i.e. very little talking, no mid-movie texting, minimal bathroom breaks.) We did encounter some odd people, notably the woman who asked my roommate and I whether we were “staying sober” as soon as we sat down,  to which I replied, “Not by choice.” That one still has me befuddled. Otherwise, I didn’t see anything else too out of the ordinary.

4.) Thinking Critically

OK, admittedly I had a tough time grading these movies fairly. When you enter a film at the SD Film Festival, you’re given a slip with numbers 1 through 5, with 1 being “poor” and 5 being “superb.” 4 means “excellent – I have given all three films a ‘4’ when I walked out of the theater. I’d break them down for you now, but, seeing as how you haven’t even heard of these films and will likely never see them, I’ll spare you (and me) the work. That being said, you can check out the trailers below, with my grades for the three films next to them:

Unicorn City – B

The Pill  – B+

Rid of Me – B

Also, here are the Week 4 Quick Picks – and please don’t talk to me about the 2011 Red Sox ever again.

Bears over Panthers – Meh.

Bills over Bengals – Love the resurgence of the Bills. 10-6 seems totally reasonable with a win in Cincy.

Titans over Browns – CJ will have more rushing yards Sunday than he’s had all year. (98 … not a typo.)

Lions over Cowboys – If the Lions didn’t have the same name and same uniform as, ya’ know, the Lions, would we even think this game would be close?

Texans over Steelers – I’m walking alongside the Texans bandwagon but refusing a ride. That being said, they’re front 7 matches up tremendously with the Steelers’ bruised and battered O-line.

Saints over Jaguars – Did the NFL schedule-makers decide to just throw all of the shitty match-ups into one terrible week, or am I crazy?

Vikings over Chiefs – I mean, really.

Eagles over Niners – I’ve yet to pick an Eagles game correctly this year. Just sayin’.

Rams over Redskins – Make-or-break game for the STL.

Giants over Cardinals – Remember when Arizona was in the NFC East all those years? That was dumb, am I right? AM I RIGHT?!

Seahawks over Falcons – Dude, what happened to the Falcons? And welcome back, Sydney Rice! (To my fantasy team – I realize this is confusing out of context.)

Packers over Broncos (Suicide Pick) – If you think I forgot about Super Bowl XXXII, you don’t know me very well

Patriots over Raiders – Feels like the Raiders are ripe for the upset, until you remember that the Pats NEVER lose two in a row. Plus, they probably have a pretty terrible taste in their mouth after last week, like when you wake up from a night of drinking and realized you smoked a cigarette the night before. The Raiders will be the Patriots metaphorical mouthwash.

Chargers over Dolphins – Another SD blackout. I’ll spare you the story of how much the Chargers fucked my Pack-Bears viewing schedule last week. Just know that it doesn’t get much worse than anticipating your NFL team on TV, only to be greeted with an infomercial for Lipitor. No, seriously.

Jets over Ravens – I just have this feeling that Flacco will throw some pretty timely picks, and the overrated Jets will do just enough for a close (and ugly) win in Baltimore. And yes, the Orioles have made me bitter about that city – for the week, anyways.

Bucs over Colts – Remember that 2003 Monday Night game when the Colts came back on the Bucs from 21 points down in something like 5 minutes to win the game? Yeah, that’s not going to happen Monday.

Last Week: 12-4 Season: 34-16

Nervous? Yes. Excited? A Little – Live-Blogging the Last Day of the MLB Season

September 28, 2011 Leave a comment

I thought we were done with this?

4:15pm

It’s the last day of the MLB season, and our beloved Red Sox are facing the prospect of missing the playoffs, despite a 9.5 wild card lead heading into September. Yes – we’re on the cusp of a monumental collapse. However, with a win over the hapless (and, let’s face it, annoying) Orioles and a Tampa Bay Rays loss, all will (sort of) be forgiven. However, even just a Sox win will force a one-game playoff tomorrow at Tropicana Field. It’s time to work this thing out together. As my buddy Lewy just texted me, “Strap in, it could be a wild ride tonight for the Sox.”

4:16pm

That last text was the first I’ve heard of Lewy in at least 10 months. He’s alive! We’re already winning.

4:16pm

Tim: Dude, you missed one hell of a Red Sox montage.

4:19pm

We’re picking this one up in the bottom of the 1st. John Lester is the Red Sox starter. 14-0 all-time against the Orioles. You would think this is making me feel better – it’s not.

(Note: I have a softball game at 8pm tonight, and I’m scheduled for a 7pm pick up. Needless to say, I’m rooting for a blowout. Let’s end this thing before I’m forced to walk away from the television. I’m begging you.

4:20pm

1-0 Yanks. Yes, NESN is featuring the NYY/TB score on the screen all night long. Yes, this will be annoying.

4:26pm

Lester works out of a 1st inning jam. Fastball and command look good, and the infield didn’t blow any easy plays. I’m feeling OK about this. Tim’s drinking. I’m trying to not look jealous.

4:29pm

Is that JD Drew hitting a solid single to right? It sure is! Sorry, dude – I don’t think a late-season cameo is going to make up for the worst contract year since … well… ever.

4:31

Nah – I don’t think a Fenway Park brick is in the budget this year. Sorry, Jimmy Fund.

4:37pm

Tim: That’s a funny looking home run!

Not sure what he’s talking about – nobody has a hit home run. Keep off the booze, kiddos.

4:39pm

Marco Scutaro makes a web gem bid, but Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones is easily safe at 1st. One on, one out, no score … yet. (Locates wood to knock on.)

4:41pm

Mark Reynolds doesn’t strike out! Instead, he grounds into a double play. 0-0 after two. And yes, I’m also making dinner. Can I interest anyone in a beef stew/ rice combo? Not so fast, Tim.

4:43

Tim: I’m going to buy triple ply toilet paper tomorrow. It’s going to be like riding on a cloud.

4:45

Mike Aviles starting at 3rd. Don Orsillo mentions he’s 1-for-9 on their most recent road trip. Hey, you gotta go with the hot hitters at the end of the year.

4:49

Sox strike first! Pedroia bats in the Immortal Mike Aviles with a single up the middle. 1-0 Sox. Dood’s a gamer.

Now we’ve got two on and nobody out … Papi sighting, folks.

Bahhh.. double play.

4:54

Teixeira just sent a “Tex Message” into the Tropicana Field seats for a Grand Salami! 5-0 Rays – let’s handle our biz, boys!

5:00pm

This dinner break was brought to you by Campbell’s Beef Stew and Success Rice in a Bag! Helping Bushkid eat … all week long!

5:05pm

Internet’s getting choppy folks – I’ll be back later with some thoughts. Fingers crossed.

90 minutes later …

Dude, are they really pulling the tarp out? …

Categories: Uncategorized

Oh Yeah – the Week 3 Picks

September 24, 2011 Leave a comment

First thing I thought of when I woke up at 7am this morning for no real reason? ‘My god – it’s Saturday and I haven’t released my NFL picks for the week! Is that rioting in the streets I hear?’

Patriots over Bills

This game will be fun to watch, and the final score will probably indicate that the game was a lot closer than it actually was. In other news, my fantasy receiving corps is already so depleted that I’m taking a flyer on Daniel David Nelson. You’re not gonna’ believe this, but I’m not doing so hot this year …

Panthers over Jaguars

Yes, I continue to jack photos from Facebook. Please don't sue me, NFL.

As a Packer fan, I’ll admit that Mr. Newton has me a little nervous last week, right down to the impressive garbage TD drive in the final minutes. I honestly thought he was going to suck – I clearly don’t want watch a ton of college football.

Bengals over 49ers

Dear Alex Smith,

You have Vernon Davis on your team. Start fucking using him.

Love,

Niners fans, VD fantasy owners and your Coach, Jim Harbuagh

Browns over Dolphins

I flip-flopped on this one a dozen times. The Browns don’t play all that well at home, and the Dolphins (allegedly) are a good road team, even though we have no evidence of that this year. Hmmm … I’ll stick with the Browns, but I’m not stoked about it.

Lions over Vikings

This will be the closes game the Lions have played so far this year, and I still say they win by double digits.

Saints over Texans

Feels like a fun shootout game, with the Saints winning by a score. Also, I just wanted to mention that managing Arian Foster on your fantasy team is a nightmare. I’ve had to wake up at like 8am each of the past two Sundays to figure out if he’s playing or not. And yes, my alarm is set for 7:45am tomorrow.

Eagles over Giants

The ghost of Desean Jackson returns, and I’m expecting big things out of number 10.

Titans over Broncos

With the Broncos injuries and Matt Hassleback opening up the offense, I guarantee truly believe that Chris Johnson is going off tomorrow.

Jets over Raiders

Another close game, but I trust the Jets’ D a whole lot more in the closing minutes than I do the Raiders. (See Raiders @ Bills, Sep. 18 for evidence.)

Chargers over Chiefs (Suicide pick)

Week 2, 2009. Bengals 31, Packers 24. That was the last time I got a suicide pick wrong. We’re in Ripken territory, folks. (Knocks on wood repeatedly)

Ravens over Rams

Brutal start for St. Louis continues. Then again, I could totally see Baltimore coming out flat again. We’ll see.

Packers over Bears

Who will have more sacks of Jay Cutler: Clay Matthews or Eric Walden?

Seahawks over Cardinals

The ‘Hawks use the 12th man and the return of Sidney Rice to notch their first win of the year.

Bucs over Falcons

Even after their win last week, it’s pretty clear that the Falcons aren’t the same team as last year. And after the Bucs comeback win against the Vikes on Sunday, it’s clear that they’re at least the team they were last year, if not better.

Steelers over Colts

Well, looks like my Sunday night is wide open if anyone wants to do anything.

Cowboys over Redskins

I’ve never had a punctured lung, but ‘punctured’ anything just sounds awful.

Last Week: 14-2 Season: 22-10

Categories: Uncategorized

“Whitney” – Yeah, this is happening.

September 23, 2011 2 comments

Yup - we're watching this. No, seriously.

8:25pm

Welp, judgement day is here – the pilot for “Whitney” begins in an hour. Yup – 60 minutes until all of our lives change forever. We – Tim, myself, Lydia and Gina . Yup, we pulled out all the stops for this one guys and gals. Get ready to laugh and cry, all at once, and join us for the magical journey that will be “Whitney – Episode 1.” Enjoy, kiddos.

8:45

“Oh my god – your inbox is literally filled with penises.” OK, that was Rob Lowe in Parks & Rec. Quote of the night so far – had to be done.

9:00

Megan B. just showed up. Best ratio we’ve had at this house, um, ever and we’re watching TV. For fuck’s sake.

9:30

Lydia: What time does the show shart?

9:31

Megan: Wait, we don’t like this, that’s the idea right?

9:31

Tim: She’s … just hot enough to put up with.

9:31

Everyone’s extremely bummed that there are laugh tracks. Also, they’re on their way to a wedding … and they’re not married. You can guess how this is going.

9:32

Whitney AND the bridesmaid are wearing yellow. Embarrassing!

9:32

Megan: I kind of like her outfit.

Well, then.

9:35

Gina: Why did they say that this is performed in front of a live studio audience at the beginning?

Lydia: Maybe it’s because they don’t want people to interrupt the laughter.

9:36

Blackface joke … impressively tasteless.

9:40

Tim: His joke was pretty funny. His buddy went home with a pregnant chick and he asked if it was a threesome. It was pretty funny.

9:41

We’re debating the difference between single and multi-camera sitcoms. We’re … still confused.

9:44

We’ve got three girls talking about mid-life crises. In the show – everyone here is enthralled. And in their mid-twenties.

9:45

We all just forgot what 5 is in King’s Cup. Our youth? Gone.

9:49

A Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman joke? What year is this? (It should be noted that this got the biggest laughs of the  night so far.)

9:50

Lydia explaining an earlier Beaver Pond story. I’ll let her tell you that one personally.

9:50

Whitney’s trying to role play as a sexy nurse. Publicly I’m shaking my head. Privately I think she’s pretty hot.

9:52

Sassy black woman in a sitcom? I don’t believe it.

9:53

Megan: Lydia, what the fuck?! You didn’t add juice, did you?

Lydia as bartender hasn’t worked out before, and it’s apparently not working out now.

9:53

Hey! That’s Malcolm in the Middle’s mom!

Timmy: That’s a good show. (Chugs drink.)

9:54

“Ms. Cummings?”

Ha. That made me laugh. Also, I’m 12.

9:54

Whitney proposes to her boyfriend: “I love you so much that I won’t marry you.” Boy, these guys are quirky! Am I right? (Crowd laughs hysterically.)

9:56

Me: Is that guy bringing anything to the table?

Lydia: I don’t know – he looks like 25 people that I know.

9:57

Megan: I know a nub when I see it.

This was good IN and OUT of context.

Also, this show may be done …

Hang on.

9:58

Whitney and the BF are trying to do it in a hospital bed – and they fall! Hillllarious….

10:00pm

Prime Suspect looks … even funnier. I don’t think this is what it’s going for.